More than looks

I can't sleep so might as well just write something, right? So last week there was this guy "jokingly" say that we should get together. 

Thought he was joking so I rejected him by saying that he's not my type. "you're too babyface to me" well, that didn't came out right because he thought I'm into looks when it comes to men. he asked me, "Does every woman after looks only?" and I didn't reply.

I kept saying that he should think through and just enjoy his youth well first than to think about relationship. That night as I was finally alone with my thoughts, I kept thinking about what I just said. I didn't reject him because of his looks, I just couldn't care too much to explain all the requirements I'm looking for in men. 

I know that this seems stupid but I couldn't get it out of my head and it's been bothering me. there's nothing more annoying to me than people misunderstood me, even the smallest matter. so here I am, in my bed instead of sleeping, I decided to write this to get it off my chest. All the boys I loved before (quote Jenny Han), I've confessed to only three guys. 

I regret all three. The third one was more painful, because I really liked him a lot. He gently say no when he says, " You deserves better." I was left confused and embarrassed. Ever since, I've stop saying I liked anyone first. The third one took a toll on me. You can say I was pretty traumatized. 

I've ever liked a guy because of his looks but found out he was narcissistic and arrogant so I got over it.

I've ever like a guy regardless of his looks but that made him cocky and end up cheating behind my back.

I've liked a guy with a good career and good at his job but end up him using me as an option, I'm not the only girl he likes. There's nothing more frustrating to me than being treated as second best so I walked away. 

I've liked a guy who hustles and hardworking but end up not given any attention and underappreciated. I felt like I don't even exist to him as he only looks for me when it feels convenient to him. Even texting him end up feeling like I'm making an appointment. "I'll be available on December". What the heck?! 

I've liked a nice boy. He's kind and faithful in his belief but I don't know why he's not making any moves. Probably too polite to even make a move. 

You see, I'm not asking much but if they (boys/men) really need to know, there's the thing. we liked beind lead and feel protected. as much as the quote "Woman always right" seems legit, we don't mind being taught by you about. sometimes we liked to be prove wrong. sometimes. 

Woman wants to be appreciated. You don't really have to buy us flowers or gifts. some of us really appreciate you being there for us. not in a clingy way but enough for us knowing that you care even about small things we do in a day. we liked a clear thinking and maturity. 

Not that we don't like your playful nature, trust me that's the best bit; We liked a man that knows what he's doing. He knows the hows and why's without us trying to explain it. Manners also the most important thing. And misogyny is a big NO NO. I hate the fact that working in corporate world makes it so hard for me to be okay with their misogynistic jokes and attitude. respect comes both ways. keep that in mind. so all these are a few things I want you (boys/men) to know.