Blessings in Disguised

 

It is just some mundane activity. Wake up at five, take a shower, putting on your uniform, drive to work, having breakfast with a friend, arrived at work, manning the counter, key-in the report, had lunch with co-workers, more work, went home, eat, bath and sleep. Repeat.

I realized how glad I am that all those dark days, hardships and struggles are finally over. No more worrying about not having anything to eat because you can afford the groceries. Bills are paid every month. Lucky enough to have extra for shopping. Had cool co-workers and superior who aren’t pushing you to the brinks. Everything was plain and simple. No rushing.

I am happy with how things are.

Until something swept in me. The remnant of my past came across my thoughts and starts to hunt me out of nowhere. I was triggered by an image of an accident I saw in the news and then it hit me of what happened in the past. The memory flashed back into me and drain every possible energy I had.

 The nightmare even came back and I felt as if I’m drowning. I’m out of breath and wished that it killed me instead. I was miserable but I can’t show it. I can’t show anyone that I’m sick so instead I smiled, laughed and joking around so no one can see. Slowly it burnt me out.

I even found myself dwelling in the past and I had trouble sleeping again. I was so burnt out that I wanted it to end as I was crying at night in the dark.

Then suddenly, I remembered what happen to Elijah in the Bible.

I always thought that the story of Elijah was overtold and it started ringing cliché because it became a meme instead of something we should seriously refer to if we ever been in his position.

I have underestimate it.

Now that I’m in this condition I started to feel sorry for myself. I shouldn’t have thought so little of that moment. He was desperately asking God to end his life because he was so tired. He was sick.

One day, I was at my lowest. That day was the worst because I was dealing with a rude customer. I was so down I can’t even breathe. It did remind me of Elijah.

That night, I talked to God and say;

“God, I’m so tired. I know I’m the last person to even complaint right now but I don’t know what else to do. Don’t tell me to eat or sleep because I’d rather just disappear right now. But then I remembered You say to come to You who are heavy laden, and You’ll give them rest. So, I’m coming to You with my heavy load. Please Lord, I want to die.”

The day past and I still feel miserable until a few days later, a friend from work reaching out to me and say he wanted to take me and the rest of our friend group on a road trip. We’re going to watch a waterfall. I was pleased to hear it. I don’t have the excitement kicking in yet but somehow it made me felt hopeful. So, I agreed to go.

It was shortly planned but we made it to that waterfall. As we arrived there, something in me stirred and I think to myself. Maybe the world isn’t so bad after all. You just have to find a good reason to keep going.

As I looked up to the top of the waterfall and hear the sound of it crashes against the bottom, I was in awe. It was so beautiful. If I died that night, I might never get to see this. I bet there’s more like this around the world that I haven’t witness yet so…

“I guess I should stay then, Father?”

Even at that moment, I felt numb to my surrounding, it doesn’t thrill me as much as I thought I would but what makes it bearable was my company. I was with some of my good friends. Watching their antics cheers me up. As I watched how much they enjoyed themselves gave me hope for what is good. That was a blessing.

Somehow God used every possible way to come to your rescue. So cast out your worries unto Him and He will give you peace.