Sugarcoated 008: Mind Palace

I didn't know there's a term for a place made up by our imagination and it lives so realistically in our head. It was until I rewatch Sherlock Holmes (the series) and Hannibal did I finally realized, hey! I have those. I have a mind palace. I didn't know that I've built it a long time ago.

When my dad died, I had been on survival mode. All that was left of me was the one where I had to kept my family afloat. I was living and working for their sake. My mother went into her depressive episodes so we cannot rely on her at the time.

As I go about my life this way, I didn't admit it but I was tired. There are days where I feel completely alone that I have no one to tell if I'm miserable or in a bad mood or having a terrible day. I never complained even when I wanted to. I was so so tired that I felt sick at one point. I even dealt with anxiety attack a few times at work. Not to mention all those identity crisis going on as well. I was so tired dealing with the world so little that I realized, I created my own.

When I watch Hannibal the series, I noticed Will Graham's mind palace was him in the woods or a farmhouse, standing in the stream, fishing. He looks so peaceful in it. The scene became clearer when he was imprisoned and the stream was his escape in his mind. Mostly his was of anchoring his thoughts.

There's a scene of Hannibal with his. The church with the skull engraved to the tile below, in the middle of the Church. In Italy. This mind palace of his was for him to install and recollect his memories. Things he wants to remember.

That's when I realized I had this place in my mind as well. Mostly for me to escape and gather my thoughts. My mind can be so loud at times that I cannot control it. Sometimes it drives me insane and made me sleep deprave. So instead, I created my own mind palace and it changes everything.

Here's what it looks like:

A secluded area. Somewhere beyond the mountains. There's a clear river not even deep. It was shallow enough that you could see the rocks beneath the still surface of the water. There's a little cottage near the banks with docks nearby so I can stood or sit there by its end, dipping my toes into the water.

I always found myself sitting there, gazing at the horizon. Inhaling the cool air. The sky is always blue and it never been to bright or too dark. Sometimes it rains and I watch it through the window of the cottage. 

The cottage has one living room with the kitchen connected to it. There's fireplace but I barely needed it. One bedroom, a toilet of course. And a Library. There's a typewriter sat on top of my table fill with papers and books and journals. The cottage smells of orange or any kind of citrus scent I could find and recollect into my memory. I had a small garden at the back. Growing vegetables like tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, cucumbers and pumpkin. I had a black cat called Rufus. 

Most of the time, I spent my moment at the docks. I like it here and wish I don't really have to leave. 

So whenever I had a bad day at work or that I dealt with something heavy, I go to my mind palace and stayed there for a while, until I finally clear my head to start again.