Intrusive Thoughts

I cannot think straight tonight. I’m supposed to be ready for tomorrow’s trip but my mind kept wondering and torturing me. I kept revising everything that I did wrong today. From the things that I said to the things that I do. Sometimes I could act so impulsively without thinking twice and sometimes I could say something that I regret a few hours later. I might end up sleeping with all of these thoughts in my head. There are times where I wanted to explain it to family & friends in order for them to understand but unfortunely, they don’t get it. They don’t understand why do I have to think about these little things. About how or why I should said things. About why do I even care if I said it wrong. It’s not like they would remember anyways. But my brain would trick me and said I’ve hurt their feelings. And even if I unintentionally hurt them, those things I’ve done or said made an impression to them. This is a lie. I know how much our mind can trick us into thinking that we are worthless and rude and good for nothing but why can’t we drive it away? Not that I want so desperately for people to like me but I also didn’t want people to think I’m dumb. Is it because of my pride? In the end, I had to write this all down while watching my current Kdrama Crash Course in Romance, in hopes of getting better and actually not procrastinate and start packing.